


Courtship Prank

by melonbutterfly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 20:31:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19236562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonbutterfly/pseuds/melonbutterfly
Summary: It's incredibly hard to keep a straight face, much less stay in character, but somehow James manages to keep his fretful expression stable. What probably helps is that Sirius isn't breaking character either. James and Sirius are still clasping hands, clutching tightly at one another as they peer soulfully up at their headmaster, completely committed.James asks Dumbledore to the ball.





	Courtship Prank

**Author's Note:**

> it… lives? *tentative wave* so uh yeah i wrote this months ago and then was too anxious too post it but i'm now once again stuck in a writer's block and my unhappiness about that outweighs the anxiety... pls be nice i'm so soft
> 
> five billion years ago i saw a post on tumblr about this and, like a monster rising from the deep, it has now come to the surface to rear its ugly little head  
> naturally i can't find that post now, so if you have a link, please send it my way so i can ~~lay the blame~~ give credit where credit is due

James Potter has been loitering in front of the Great Hall for the past ten minutes. Students pass him by on their way to dinner, more than one eyeing him suspiciously, but he ignores it all until the very moment he spots his prey.

Perking up, he strides over to them and puts on his most charming smile. "Professor Dumbledore, sir?"

Dumbledore twinkles at him benevolently. "How can I help you, Mr. Potter?"

"Well, sir..." James bites his lower lip. "I wanted to ask you something..."

Probably suspicious, Professor Dumbledore lifts one eyebrow but nevertheless asks kindly, "Yes, Mr. Potter?"

James peers at him through his eyelashes. "Will you go to the Yule Ball with me?"

Dumbledore's eyes widen in shock, and a sudden hush falls over the students around them who have been unsubtly trying to listen in.

Somebody titters.

Dumbledore collects himself. "Well, Mr. Potter-"

There's a loud, dramatic gasp behind James, and when he turns around Sirius is standing there, one hand on his chest and an expression of absolute betrayal on his face.

"James! How could you! You know how I feel!"

That absolutely wasn't planned; as far as James knew, Sirius was off in detention with Filch, and Filch never let him go in time for dinner. Sirius' being gone might have been part of the reason why James was so bored and got this idea in the first place.

But this is brilliant, much better than anything James could have planned on his own – proof why he needs Sirius, really. He catches up within the fraction of a second, affecting an apologetic mien. "I'm so sorry, Sirius, I just couldn't help myself!"

"I trusted you!" Sirius gasps, outraged. "With my innermost secret-!"

"I'm so sorry!" James wails, throwing himself at him. "But I have feelings too, and you said you weren't going to ask him-"

"That is _so_ not fair-"

"Don't you think he should make that decision?" James asks, eyes wide and liquid.

For a moment, Sirius is silent, just stares at James. Then he says, voice frail but nevertheless perfectly audible to their breathless audience, "James, this could tear our friendship apart, don't you realise it?"

"Never!" James gasps, covering his heart with his hand. "Sirius, how could you suggest such a thing! You're like the other half of my soul! Don't I share everything with you?"

"I share everything with you too, but-" Sirius falls silent. A calculating expression appears on his face, only to make way for elation; he grasps James' hand with both hands. "James, you are a genius! We could just share!"

James gasps. "Oh, you're brilliant!"

By this point, they have amassed a rather large crowd surrounding them, watching the spectacle in breathless silence, but neither of them acts like they notice.

As one, they pivot on their heels towards Dumbledore. "Professor Dumbledore, will you go to the Yule Ball with us?"

Professor Dumbledore stands in front of them, one hand covering his face, slightly bowed shoulders shaking.

Maybe this wasn't such a bright idea after all, James considers for the first time, but it's too late now for regrets. Not that James ever was much into regrets in the first place. No, as for all their pranks, he and Sirius have always had one motto: in for a knut, in for a galleon. "Professor Dumbledore? Please, if you return our feelings, just say the word-"

Dumbledore hiccups, and it's at that moment that James realises that he's laughing. A moment later he bursts out with it, and it's as if he releases some sort of spell on their audience, because within seconds everybody is laughing hysterically right along with their headmaster. It's perhaps the best moment of James' whole life so far.

It's also incredibly hard to keep a straight face, much less stay in character, but somehow James manages to keep his fretful expression stable. What probably helps is that Sirius isn't breaking character either. James and Sirius are still clasping hands, clutching tightly at one another as they peer soulfully up at their headmaster, completely committed.

Finally, Dumbledore calms down a little, eyes twinkling like mad as he wipes a tear away. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, I'm afraid I must decline. The school has rules forbidding courtship between teachers and students."

"Who said anything about _courtship_ , Professor?" Sirius purrs, charm turned on like a switch. A girl in a group of giggling fifth years close by collapses to the ground, shrieking with hysterical laughter. Meanwhile Sirius all but bats his eyelashes at their headmaster. "I'm sure we could find some other way to occupy ourselves-"

" _Mr. Black!_ "

James is pretty sure he's never heard their Head of House sound so scandalised. Which, considering they're in sixth year and she's been exposed to them for neigh on six years by this point, is quite the feat, if he does say so himself.

Not missing a cue, Sirius spins around, eyes wide and limpid. "Professor McGonagall, I am _so_ sorry, I just couldn't hold back my feelings any longer! I didn't mean for you to find out like this; my only hope is that one day you can forgive me."

Entirely speechless, McGonagall stares at Sirius. Then, in a natural progression in these sorts of situations, she looks to James right next to Sirius.

James affects an apologetic expression and touches a hand to his chest. "I'm so sorry, Professor McGonagall. But who could refrain that had a heart to love, and in that heart courage to make’s love known?"

He's pretty sure that's Lily Evans bursting into fresh peals of laughter somewhere amongst the crowd. Even odds whether she recognised the quote or not. Either way, James mentally gives himself some plus points on his internal tally.

Somehow, Professor McGonagall manages to collect herself, lips pressed so tightly together they nearly vanish. " _Inside_ , Mr. Potter, Mr. Black. I do not believe we booked a show with our dinner."

She hasn't taken any points. Knowing when to take his victories, James grabs Sirius' arm and starts to drag him away from the scene, the crowd parting for them like the Red Sea. But Sirius never quite knew when to quit and calls out, "Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move his aides, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love!"

" _Mr. Black-!_ "

"We're inside!" James interrupts as indeed, they pass the threshold into the Great Hall at right this moment. "We did what you asked, Professor!" He peers over his shoulder to find Sirius blowing kisses at their Head of House, who looks nearly apoplectic.

"Very good, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black," James hears; he jumps and turns back to the front, where somehow Professor Dumbledore has made it into the Great Hall before them. "Twenty points to Gryffindor."

James couldn't stop his wide grin even if he wanted to. He salutes. "Cheers, Headmaster." Then he claps a hand over Sirius' already opening mouth and drags him to Gryffindor table.

A little later, Remus slides onto the bench opposite them; he looks traumatised. "I cannot believe," he says, "that I am willing to be seen in public with you two."

"Aw, come on, Moony," Sirius starts to protest around the mash he just spooned into his mouth.

"What on earth," Remus interrupts like he never even spoke, "rode you to do that? James?"

Now, James could pout and say something along the lines of "come on, it was funny", which would be the truth.

Or he could widen his eyes and say, "Remus, you cannot deny how striking Professor Dumbledore's eyes are. One look into them and I just lost control of myself."

Peter bursts out into nervous giggles, and Remus lets his head drop, forehead thumping loudly into the table's surface. Figuring that he's already made Remus suffer enough for one evening, James holds back a comment about how hollow the sound is.

"Brilliant, mate," Sirius crows and high-fives James.

**Author's Note:**

> *The two quotes are from Shakespeare; James', the first one, from Macbeth (and something Macbeth, incidentally, says to justify his cold-blooded murder of two innocent servants in order to blame them for a third cold-blooded murder he also committed, just by the by, and the awareness of that almost made McGonagall lose it, which ironically allowed her to collect herself a little), the second, Sirius', from Hamlet. (Now you all know where "doubt the stars are fire" is actually from! Don't say I never taught you anything.)
> 
> **James and Sirius have, in fact, read both Macbeth and Hamlet. It was for a bet they lost to Remus, who has since come to regret his choices.


End file.
